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[melodiouspacifist]

You've reached Demyx.

I'm taking a nap.

Enjoy the sounds of my sitar, I'll get back to you sometime, whenever.

Comments

[melodiouspacifist]

[There's a pause, it's a long pause because that's the gap between them, something he can't possibly understand and he can't fix that.

There's no fix for not having a heart. There's discomfort in his chest, but it passes, like a lump in his throat or something.

There isn't much noise.]

...Oh.

[mortal_son]

... Yeah.

[ Shinjiro feels rather like he's been punched, with that tiny, quiet "oh", but. Someone needed to say it.

He keeps calling her by the wrong name, keeps treating her the same, and even from their first meeting, has treated Larxene's actions like Arelen's.

But they're two different people, for all intents and purposes.

His voice, though, still contains a lot of remorse. ]

She's changed since you knew her, before this place.

Probably for the better, based on whatcha both told me.

But, thinkin of her as Larxene ain't fair.

[ A pause, before he adds: ]

Just like, she treatin you like you've already gotta heart, instead of bein patient with you, ain't fair neither.

[melodiouspacifist]

[There's a lot of quiet happening and that's not like him at all, and he runs his hands through his hair, ruffling it. He feels...

No. He doesn't. He stamps down on whatever his body is trying to do to him like the lie that it is.

He can't be what he's not and he has screwed up. It's an afterthought, but really he doesn't care what she treats him like.

He pushes cheer into his voice because when you fake it all the time, that's not so hard.]

Yeah, no, I get it. Thanks. For explaining.

[mortal_son]

[ Except the silence is suspicious, because he's been getting to know Deymx pretty well. ]

... It ain't your fault, y'know.

[ He runs a hand through his own hair, under his beanie. ]

Sorry, I'm kinda shit at this.

Look, d'you wanna. I dunno. Grab a bite to eat, or somethin?

[melodiouspacifist]

[It might not be his fault, but he'll take the blame. Everything he's done is his responsibility.

It's not just her, he's been playing at having a heart and being a person and he isn't. He's a heartless creature.

It's like he's been playing a game of experiences and talks and connecting with humanity that he lost long ago.

It's been nice. But it isn't real. He can't know how Arelen feels, or Shinjiro, or anyone.

No wonder Zexion thought he was an idiot. There's a little thud as he sets down Arpeggio.

So, he will smile because he's a monster without feeling and it's all an act after all.]

Nah. Nobodies don't need to eat.

[mortal_son]

[ Alarm bells are going off, now. ]

Maybe not, but you like eatin.

... You know, don't think I've ever cooked nothin but crepes for you, before, and that don't count, that's the bakery.

How 'bout I make you somethin?

[ Shinjiro never volunteers to cook for anyone, except for his pet dogs. This is a huge deal. ]

[melodiouspacifist]

[He literally shrugs, but Shinjiro can't see him.]

I don't like it. It's a lie.

Look.

Obviously I needed to be put in my place. I've been lying to myself too.

[He doesn't sound cheerful though, he almost sounds upset.]

Really. Thanks for telling me. [There's a soft click as he disconnects.]

[mortal_son]

No, callin it a lie is what is a lie - listen -

[ And then he gets a dial tone.

Shinjiro stares at his phone, for a few minutes. His mind is racing.

On the one hand, he feels like this is his fault, and he's made things worse for Demyx than they obviously were before he called.

On the other hand, this is his fault, and if that's the case, he needs to fix it.

He quickly tops up Princess' water dish, gives her a scratch behind the ears, and heads out the door.

Sometime later, he's at Demyx' apartment, banging on the door. ]

[melodiouspacifist]

[Demyx hasn't moved, he's been just lying in bed thinking and acting miserable. The banging is enough to interrupt him though and he sighs.

It's going to take a moment, old habits die hard and he has to step into his boots, pull on his coat and gloves before coming out of his room.

Huh. Guess Arelen is out.]

[mortal_son]

BANG BANG BANG

[ Shinjiro is not giving up, not once he's decided on this course of action.

... Fuck if he knows what he's going to do, but he's not giving up. ]

I know you're in there, Demyx.

Let me in.

[melodiouspacifist]

I'm coming.

[He answers and opens the door, even though his hair is kind of mussed from lying on it, and his coat is completely open. He's not really considered 'presentable by the Superior's standards. Not surprisingly his pants and tank top are just as black as his coat.]

Hey.

[He looks away, unsure of what's really happening and then he sighs and bends down to get the coat's zipper.]

[mortal_son]

Uh. Hey.

[ Shinjiro takes a look at him, kind of surprised. He's not used to seeing Demyx in anything other than his usual, outside of the Halloween party anyway, so. This only adds to his worry.

He steps inside, notices what he's doing, and says - ]

You ain't gotta do that. 'S just me, if you wanna stay comfortable.

[melodiouspacifist]

[That has little to do with much of anything, it's just when he's alone in his own space, he can dress down. He pauses and considers it.

Kay told him he needed to stop wearing his coat. He seems to be deliberating.]

...Okay.

[Even Arelen didn't get to see him without his coat. He pulled it off his shoulders and his gloves and tossed it into his room, his very bare room, onto the bed. It was plenty warm in the apartment, so he didn't need to worry about being under dressed.]

[mortal_son]

[ Shinjiro only peeks a little - but Demyx' room looks about as bare as his own is. Well. Almost - Shinjiro has bought a bunch of things for Princess so far, but otherwise.

Now why was that? It didn't make any sense that Demyx wouldn't have anything. Shinjiro was different. He can't shake the feeling that he can't ... thinking about things to just, do stupid shit like decorate is ...

He moves on from the thought.

Not looking at him, trying to give him his space, Shinjiro crosses his arms and frowns. ]

Now, do you wanna try that crap again, 'bout you not havin any likes or dislikes?

[melodiouspacifist]

[His room only has his sitar in it, only because he hadn't unsummoned it.

It's like if he vanished there would be no trace of him left behind.]

I can't have a preference, I don't feel things. I think we've got that down. I'm not like you.

[He wished he was, and at the moment, it hurts.]

[mortal_son]

Bullshit.

[ Shinjiro had been so, so worried that he had just made things worse earlier - that he had somehow messed up with Demyx, like he was always afraid he would.

But, now, he was determined to stand his ground and do his best to fix this. ]

We already figured out - you ain't all that different.

You've liked things, and you weren't fraid of tellin me so.

And, more importantly-

You dislike things, you were - you were uncomfortable with Arelen bein all drunk and hangin on you, remember?

So don't lie to me. Or yourself.

[melodiouspacifist]

I'm not lying. I could be wrong about all that.

[He grimaces.]

I've been lying to myself.

[mortal_son]

[ Shakes his head. ]

I really don't think so.

I was there at the party - no idea how much you remember, but. You were way too drunk to fib about what you were thinkin.

[ Arms still crossed. ]

I think you're lyin now, sayin shit, like I would, like pretendin it don't matter means that people bein weird and friends actin hurt doesn't affect you at all.

[melodiouspacifist]

[Wow, Shinjiro has the disapproving look down pat. He's used to being on the receiving end of that look, but under opposite circumstances.]

Shinjiro...I already told you I've been lying to myself and I'm sure I believed what I said.

[He looks away, uncomfortable and cringing. His brow is furrowed and he almost looks upset.]

I can't be affected. That's the point!

[Even in his tone, it's not light or even, he sounds frustrated.]

[mortal_son]

[ Shinjiro's eyes grow wide - because he's finally figuring out what's happening.

Maybe. Perhaps. Hopefully, it wasn't just wishful thinking.

(But is it wishful thinking, he asked himself, if his friend was suffering?) ]

... You're upset.

[melodiouspacifist]

[His eyes snap to Shinjiro that if his head went with it, he'd have whiplash.]

No I'm not.

[mortal_son]

[ He resists the urge to roll his eyes. ]

Right.

Then why the hell does this bother you so much?

I mean, so what if we all fell for it, if you ain't really liking or disliking stuff?

So what if Arelen is reactin real strange?

If you're lyin to yourself, why does this bother you?

[melodiouspacifist]

I don't...

[No it shouldn't be bothering him. Not even a little bit. Not at all, but he is distressed.]

It's not- [But he can't even say that, his arms are crossed, and his fingers are digging into the flesh near his elbows.]

I don't know! Okay? I don't know what is wrong with me!

[mortal_son]

... You don't like what's happenin right now, do you.

[ Because it's clear, to him, what's wrong.

He doesn't know why, or what triggered it, or if it had been happening slowly this entire time.

Regardless of how - Shinjiro felt pretty sure.

These were actual feelings.

He unfolded his arms, and hesitated. What. What would a friend who was actually good at this kind of thing do, right now? ]

[melodiouspacifist]

[He shakes his head.]

No. I don't.

[He's tense, he's been having trouble breathing and processing and he wants to break things or scream or something. He honestly doesn't know what to do to make it stop.

It has to stop, it's not supposed to be there in the first place.]